even if you have great adoptive parents. you will still wonder if you look like your mother or father. if you have any brothers or sisters. maybe you would like to know why you were put up for adoption. even if you had the most wonderful life i think somewhere in your mind you will want to know who your birth parents are. i personally can’t tell you from experience because i live with both my birth parents but i have a boyfriend that was adopted and i know deep down he would like to meet his birth parents.

I’m not an adoptee, but please don’t shoot me for answering this question! From what I’ve seen and heard, the desire to search has absolutely no bearing on what either set of parents/family have done or not done, how they acted, how “good” they were…in fact, it seems to have very little to do with the parents at all. The need to find out who a person is, is inside that person, and doesn’t have any bearing on any other person (and this is true for non-adopted persons, too).

It makes me sad that anyone could believe this. My a’parents were/are great–and they were very supportive of my search. I was a little worried when I first told them I had decided to search. My a’mom just said, “I’d want to know if I were you.”

She understood that I searched because I felt a need to know who I am and where I come from. I think some non-adoptees never think about that urge (or even know it exists) because it has always been satisfied for them. So when they hear about searching, they have to invent some reason for doing it.

Well, I hope I do an awesome job of parenting. But my husband and I anticipate our daughter will want to search and will support her every step of the way. I don’t think it will be a reflection on our parenting skills. Indeed, I would be honored if when the time comes, she will accept my help.

My wife (and her sister) is adopted and has wonderful parents and does not complain about her upbringing (rather she complements them). She, out of curiosity, asked her mother once if she knew anything about her BP’s. She said that she saw the pain in her mother’s eyes and never wanted to ask again (Her mom knew nothing and has said she would help if she wanted it).

On a whim, I made a few calls and got some info. We made a trip over to Mississippi and spoke to a judge who blocked us from getting any more information. Since then, she hasn’t shown an interest to pursue it further (she has never shown an interest. She made a comment and I tried to see how far I could get with no expense.)

So, I think (nearly) all adoptees have some curiousity about their BPs, but those that seek either have APs that don’t mind (and understand that curiousity) or they dont care about their AP’s feelings. (I knew I would get thumbs down bc of this paragraph)

Many have already said what I would say, but let me add this…

I did not search to replace my adoptive parents. My adoptive parents are “real” parents to me. In real life, I call them, simply, “parents.” Had they been lousy parents, perhaps I would have searched sooner. But the fact is, my searching had nothing to do with my adoptive parents. My search has been about me. About finding out more about myself, my past, my origins.

I understand that adoptees sometimes don’t search (I’m not saying this is true of anyone here who didn’t search) because of loyalty to their adoptive parents. Indeed, maybe I held off so long because I felt a great deal of loyalty to my parents. I love them, and I didn’t want to hurt them. I was afraid my search would. But my amom was more excited for me to search than I was, I think. And my adad accepted it for what it was. (He’s not a very emotional person.)

ETA: I didn’t tell my adoptive parents about my search until after it was well underway (indeed, a week later, I got my first letter from my first mom). I didn’t tell them because I did care about their feelings. But I also knew I had to do this, even if it hurt them. I didn’t want to hurt them, but I needed to do this.

They are seperate issues.

Geneology, worldwide, is the biggest hobby.

It’s throughout the entire bible.

It’s normal and natural. Being a lover of history, I can’t begin to imagine not wanting to know. Maybe it doesn’t have as much to do with adoption and the person’s experience, but the level of education one has and wishes to acquire.

I think there will always be a need to search. everyone needs to feel that they know :who they are”. and where they came from. But if they are raised right and given all the info they need or want then there would be less dissatisfied adoptees. I am legal guardian of two boys and hope to adopt soon. I will always keep copies of their original birth certificates and all the info I have on family. We are fortunate that we know them personally but I keep a journal so in case people move on or die before the children grow up. I personally feel I am their “real” mother and I feel no threat of their birth parents.

Searching for your origins has nothing to do with your upbringing. It’s more than a natural curiosity…it’s a human basic need or desire to know who your bio parents are. It’s also a personal/private choice.

My child has an open adoption with her bio mom but if she didn’t I would encourage and support her if she wanted to search.

My cousins were adopted. I did a school project on the topicover 30 years ago and started asking since then if they were interested in finding their biological parents.
For them and 2 other adoptees I know, they doubt anything they could find could be better than the betrayal they may cause the parents they grew up with.

others that even wrote books said they were yearning to find their lineage especially when having a baby - they couldn’t fill out hospital forms asking if they had inheritory illnesses.
Natural parents they found ranged from :
- forced to adopt out by family when teen pregnancy
- dads who weren’t told their girlfriend was even pregnant
- some moved on with established families now
- others even have been searching for years for their child.

Each child, the brothers/sisters, and all 4 parents have their own personal experience, so follow yours and good luck.